Just some random thoughts
got my bike back today. It isn't completely repaired. They couldn't find a replacement Disc for my Disc brake, so that is faulty and key socket is still damaged not replaceable. But still I'm okay. That boy deserves some battle scars.
I wish that accident had never happened. But that accident was necessary. It taught me so many things about myself and my life. Whatever small progress I've made in last few days is only because of it. I will owe a lot to that accident.
After my skid, I had knocked another biker, he was furious at me. We parked our bikes to the road side and assessed damages. He knew I had got the better half of it. He took out a cigarette and was about to smoke, and asked him for one. We sat down smoking together looking at the cloudy moon in the sky. We shared snippets of our lives. He had asked his friends to come with a car, given i couldn't walk. I sat with him and went to KMC. We hugged and he left. (that kindness spoke to me)
I didn’t knew him, and we didn’t shared any contact. But one word stuck with me, “I understand you are hurt, and you want to feel that, but in the process of hurting yourself more, don’t hurt the people around you,” showing his brused knee.
I wish I could tell him, bro, I have moved on. And now I have even quit smoking. (Not really, but I am in the process)
nce again. I need to ask myself what I am doing right now, is it what I want. Like I actually want. This time the answer is yes for sure. My roommate got placed in Adani in Ops profile. I am genuinely happy for him. He always was inclined towards ops. It gave me little joy that good things can happen to good people. Maybe not always, but when it does, you feel immense joy. I mean this immense is joy is worth not being the bad person. To anyone, even to the people you despise.
Kindness is missing from people, but when you find it, it changes you, and always for better.
I am happy Maanish got placed as well, and also that Anvesha was there to support him. I honestly wish she gets the same city and they could have a better life together. I think there must be some connection between them that they got along. I hope they remain together and could sort out any problems they have in future.
I remember when I had read Norwegian Wood for the first time, I felt bad for Naoko, never for Toru. Even though he resembles me today, and he got betrayed by Naoko. The reason was he didn’t understand his responsibility towards Naoko (Love is never enough). I always thought Naoko was the one to feel bad for. And now that I understand my state. I feel bad for Anvesha. The things I did to her. The things I made her do. I will probably never forgive myself. (Maybe I will forget, but will never forgive myself)
She deserved to be treated like the queen she was. Whose wishes I should have known before she could even put words to it. I wish I had not felt hurt instead would have helped her by disappearing from her life. I wish I had not ruined her life like this. I wish I had respected her wish of breaking up with me. But I was so high on my own little suffering, that I couldn’t understand it was for better. I can love Naoko but she will not love me back. The only thing I could do was, respect Naoko’s wishes.
There will be many Midori’s but Naoko is only ever one.
