I Wish I Could Kill Myself

Woke up on last day of the year at 3PM. Phone was at 1%, so charged it and started scrolling, found plenty of stories where either she is entangled with him or is flashing that person.

I had a mini panic attack like I always do. Smoked for a while, went back and thought what would be the most painless way to kill myself. Overdosing on anti-depressant is not a sure shot guarantee, plus living mentally impaired is next level challenge, don’t know about mercy killing laws as well regarding that.

Would be a whole lot better If I could die in one shot. Accidents are perfect, but you know my luck with them is really good. Nothing ever happens to me. That only leaves train tracks and actual poison.

I watch a lot of chemistry videos, by a lot I mean a lot. Back in the days I wanted to become a Scientist not because of Physics or Semiconductors but because I loved chemistry, how mixing a few things together results in something so very different and unique, I had an aspiration of Inventing something new that would transform the world. So that’s it. We will synthesize something over the top toxic, make sure to destroy the rest so that my roommate doesn’t dies accidentally and transform our world.

What would I miss If there is a afterlife?

Nothing mostly, just my brother and the dreams I had with him, and the dreams that never came true related to my grandfather. I have only 8 hours to kill myself. Let’s see. Also I am going to get super drunk, that way I won’t question myself when I drink that poison.

Don’t let people make a scene out of it. I want to go as peacefully as possible.