What to Understand?
The stars are burning out, there. The universe has grown cold. No heat. No energy. Everything decays. Everything dies.
But all it takes is two. Just two. Two particles that become so closely entangled, as if they’re the same thing. And then there’s no entropy. No decay. No death. Life clings to these pockets.
Then there’s me, one of the lifers. Who knows the escape, has keys to every door, and I’m running out of time.
Good things, good ideas doesn’t have to be a fantasy, What am I repenting, I am not a sinner.
The program created a world where she is dead and I am tortured with guilt because that’s what it thinks I really want deep down. (A simulated world that works like a dream, where till the time you are in it, feels real, no matter what character you are what is happening around, it all feels real till you wake up.)
The real life is far better than the one in the program, that is why when I am in the program, I think I… don’t… deserve this life. I never did. The life in the program is what I deserve. Because the simulation is supposed to be better than the real life right? Which means the life in the program must be real and not this one.
Why would I choose that life? (Punishment for our sins.)
I wanted to be punished. For my sins. Real and imagined. Surviving. Being happy. Being happy is not a sin. We’re all sinners. And we all think we need to be punished. Even if our sins don’t exist.
“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder ‘why, why, why?’
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle
What the above quote means is that, a man always searches for meaning, and when we don’t find one we most often end up assuming one which might not be true.
Like he didn’t eat enough broccoli in childhood, that is why he got cancer.
But sometimes the reasons picked up for explanation of illnesses end up creating stigma, earlier it used to be infectious diseases and a few we didn’t understood deeply, but today mental illnesses are one of those.
Stigma surrounding illness often leads to blaming the afflicted, perpetuating harmful narratives that disregard the randomness and injustice of disease. Stigmatization of diseases is influenced by various factors, including chronicity, perceived peril, infectiousness, and perceived origin.
I am also not telling you to romanticize. Romanticization of diseases can lead to harmful societal perceptions, glamorizing illness while disregarding its true impact on individuals.
But without a balance, the real world no matter how much better than the one in the program, I might just use that headset to induce that dream and never come back.
Agar gussa hote to mana lete, Magar aapka to man hi bhar gaya hamse
