26th August 26, 2023 5:40AM
Its not even been 24hrs since zero contact. And I feel, I should call her, if nothing else then just to say sorry. In love I became a chutiya. I did things that compromised my self respect.
I shouldn’t have done that. From the conversation last night it is clear that she is in distress because I am not leaving her. I am constantly pursuing her which is toxic.
She told me
- You forced me for sex, u used to manipulate me for sex, u used to act out for sex
- You are a creep, you had my sisters photo in bikini, recording of her from when I had video called you and she was trying dresses, you had my sisters photo earlier as well
- You have raised voice on me, your anger is too much, not even my worst ex talk to me like that
- You threw your had at me, not physically, but you were there
- The night you made me cry and attempt fake suicide was the night I decided I cant live with you
- In Mumbai you did things that I told you not to do
- You repeated same mistakes again and again
- You scold me for going out with even girls
- Who are you to give me freedom and not
And all of her points are valid and true, I attest to that.
Whatever maybe the deep root for all of this toxic behavior I need to kill them. If any of this behaviors remain in me going forward, I wont find a good partner or wont spend a good life.
I need to understand that no one deserves me like this, least of all she.
I cannot contact her for at least 6 months. I have to trust her. I have to respect her. I have to forget her.
She might live within me for years but I cant let this fact ever come to surface. I cant let her down again.
She deserves a better partner, a better friend, which I am not at this moment.
I can not subject her to my emotions ever again. I hope that one day, we will meet again, be friends again and might even rekindle our love but that time is years down the road.
For now, I need to focus on myself and work on myself.
Zero contact is the only way.
I knew this before, I know this now. What she did is for better. I couldn’t have moved on if she hadn’t.
Also, never use that one channel that is left. Forget about that channel there is nothing left not for u not for her. Just move on.
