I Lost Someone Close to me
I called Anish Bhaiya today, for sharing my story. That how I saw her today at Swathi. She was well dressed looking preitty as hell. I shared all my emotions with him. He consoled me, he listened to me. He made me feel better.
Meanwhile he was carrying his father’s dead body with him. From Chennai to Patna. It never occured to me, he didn’t let me know. I recieved a text while I was sharing all my grief with him.
When I confronted him after recieving that text, I realized. How selfish am I? A person is carrying his father’s dead body with him and he is consoling me for this miniscule incident of mine. I cried, I screemed. I talked to him.
His father was close to me. I remember the times when his father allowed me to sleep at his home because I was too drunk to go to mine. I told him one day my father will him shoot me if he saw me like this and he would laugh. He would wake me up in morning and ask whether I want tea or coffee today. He was too kind to me.
And now he is gone, and I was talking to Anish bhaiya about my breakup. I feel so little right now. I almost mailed Anvesha because I needed her support to processes this grief, but I refrained. I have to process my grief alone.
I went to Hemang’s room, I cried for a while for what a selfish prick I had been. I wish I had consoled Anish bhaiya and not the other way around. For god sake he is carrying that dead body with him.
I want to share this with Anvesha, because she would have stopped me from crying and beating myself up for it. But I have to understand she is not the same person. I have to deal with this on my own. I wish I could have been the strong person who would have supported Anish bhaiya. But tommorrow morning I will become that person, I will have to call my father, Sugandha, and Vivek and everyone else to go there, be with him. I so wish to god, I was there with him right now.
May he rest in peace. May he forgive me for grieving Anish bhiaya at this moment.
